Somewhere over the past few years, maybe it started nearly thirty years ago when my middle son was born. Maybe its always been this way, or maybe it is job related, I have developed a habit that i get up between 3-5 am.
Anyway, I love my solitudinal (yes i know it is not yet a real word, but it is) mornings, the funny sounds that i am never sure are real or in my head. this is the time of morning that i have seen ghosts, though not for almost twenty years. this is when i hear that “white noise” that is either the sound of light bulbs or evidence of the hearing damage my ears have suffered over the years.
The house is dark, except for a few scattered pools of light. the boy, the wife and the dog are all sleeping.soon the dog will wake a scratch on the inside of my son’s bedroom door, and i will hurriedly set aside my computer and let her out before she wakes him. later he will wake and call out thru the closed door, “Daddy” in a loud voice. i will go see him and probably hand him his water from the night before. after he takes a sip, he will either come down and we will go back to my chair and snuggle for a minute or he will head straight to the tv room and i will come back and type or play spades or read or just think.
For now, the AC sounds very loud, and under it i hear the soft steady hum of the refrigerator. in a perfect world, about 10 am, i would go back to bed, but that only happens two or three times per year. the pleasure of a quiet house, is only so because it isnt empty.
Even though i have seen ghosts and am not frightened by them, i get the willies sitting in an empty house at night. I dont mind too much during the day, but the truth is, i love people. i especially love my people, but i enjoy most people. yet i savor my dark morning solitude.
i write poems, send out wildly leftist rants, design complicated business models for businesses i will never run, occasionally, i will actually work for 2-3 hours and get caught up. more often than not, i plan to do a little work, but by the time i check my email, check the bank balance, check emails, check facebook, good reads, shelfari, demconwatch, cnn, respond to whatever strikes me, worry about finances, play a little online spades, i find it is time for coffee and getting on with my “real” day, and the work isnt touched.
I think as a grown up who never quite get over being a kid, i like the total, or almost total lack of responsibility of not having to do anything i am not in the mood to for an hour or so. I cant say i wouldnt rather be sleeping, but if i am gonna be up anyway, i do enjoy it like this!